Who Pays for the Wedding? Couples Are Rewriting the Rules

November 10, 2025

Anyone who’s planned a wedding can tell you—it’s a labor of love that takes time, coordination, and, often, a hefty budget. According to The Knot’s 2025 Real Weddings Study, the average U.S. wedding now costs around $33,000. With that kind of price tag, deciding who foots the bill is one of the most important conversations couples will have early in the planning process.

A Tradition That’s Fading

Once upon a time, the rules were simple—at least on paper. The bride’s family traditionally covered most of the wedding costs, while the groom’s family might handle the rehearsal dinner. That custom dates back to an era when brides were younger, often just leaving home, and financial responsibility was seen as transferring from her parents to her new husband.

Today, that framework feels out of step. The median age for a first marriage has climbed to 28.6 for women and 30.2 for men, according to the U.S. Census. Many couples already live together, have established careers, and manage their own finances long before saying “I do.” And with more women and same-sex couples in the mix, the old playbook simply doesn’t fit modern realities.

There Are No More “Rules”

“The beauty of modern weddings is that every couple gets to define what’s right for them,” says Mariah Grumet, etiquette expert and founder of Old Soul Etiquette. “Tradition can be lovely—but it doesn’t have to dictate your financial decisions.”

In other words, there’s no single right answer. Some couples pay for everything themselves, others split costs evenly with both families, and many find a middle ground that fits everyone’s comfort level.

Let’s look at some of the most common ways couples divide wedding expenses today.

1. Paying Your Own Way

Covering your entire wedding budget yourselves can be expensive, but it comes with a big advantage: total creative control. When you’re funding the event, you make the final decisions—from the guest list to the menu.

Benefits include:

●     You avoid awkward money conversations with family.

●     You know exactly what you can afford and can adjust quickly if needed.

●     You keep planning streamlined, with fewer opinions to navigate.

If you’re going this route, start with a realistic budget and savings plan. Any extra contributions from family later on will feel like a pleasant surprise—not something you rely on.

2. Splitting the Costs Evenly

Another popular option is to divide wedding costs equally among all contributors—often the couple and both sets of parents. For instance, if the total budget is $30,000, and three parties are pitching in, each would contribute $10,000.

This structure keeps things transparent and fair. “Equal contributions can also mean equal say,” notes personal finance writer Lauren Bowling. “When everyone has skin in the game, it’s easier to make joint decisions without resentment.”

If you go this route, consider asking for cash contributions instead of having parents pay vendors directly. That keeps contracts, deposits, and decisions under one roof—yours.

3. Assigning Specific Costs

When there’s a difference in financial means between families, an equal split may not make sense. Instead, you might assign each contributor a specific category—say, one family covers the flowers, another pays for photography, and the couple handles the venue.

This method allows everyone to participate at a level that feels comfortable. Just be clear about expectations—if someone is covering the flowers, will they also want a say in choosing them? Establish boundaries early to avoid surprises later.

4. Asking for Help

Sometimes, parents or relatives offer to contribute a set amount. That’s wonderful—but it’s important to treat it as a gift, not a negotiation. Build your budget around what’s offered and be ready to adjust your plans if the contribution is less than expected.

If no one volunteers financial help, it’s okay to ask—but do so thoughtfully. Schedule a private, respectful conversation, ideally between the parent and their own child. Give them time to consider what they can do and make it clear there’s no pressure.

Talking About Money Without the Stress

Money and family can be a tricky mix, especially when emotions are high. These tips can help keep conversations productive:

●     Plan the talk ahead of time. Let everyone know what you’d like to discuss.

●     Keep it private. Separate conversations often make people more comfortable.

●     Be honest but flexible. Share your hopes, but be open to alternatives.

●     Give everyone time to decide. Don’t expect instant answers.

Building a Strong Foundation

Deciding how to pay for your wedding isn’t just about logistics—it’s an exercise in teamwork and communication. Working through these financial details together can set the tone for how you’ll handle money as a married couple: with transparency, respect, and collaboration.

In the end, the “right” way to pay for a wedding is whatever works best for your relationship—and helps you start your life together on solid footing, both emotionally and financially.

Sources:

https://www.fidelity.com/learning-center/smart-money/who-pays-for-the-wedding

Disclosure:

This information is an overview and should not be considered as specific guidance or recommendations for any individual or business.

This material is provided as a courtesy and for educational purposes only.

These are the views of the author, not the named Representative or Advisory Services Network, LLC, and should not be construed as investment advice. Neither the named Representative nor Advisory Services Network, LLC gives tax or legal advice. All information is believed to be from reliable sources; however, we make no representation as to its completeness or accuracy. Please consult your Financial Advisor for further information.